Required listening material before reading the picks
(Headphones suggested if you’re around old people or children)
Good, now that we have that out of the way – can we talk about how DMX was probably really hype when he heard this the first time? Think he occasionally takes the aux cord and is like “yo, I got some fire for you guys..” (are aux cords still a thing?)
I have to admit, that has absolutely nothing to do with my picks. Just wanted to remind everyone that it existed AND that it’s 8am after working 12 hours and I’m properly sloshedddddd.
THE PICKS
The Dahmanators vs Derek’s BDE
Yeesh don’t look now but the rookie is 2-0 and top of the table. Kyler Murray might have been the steal of the draft (pssst I made that up to sound cool – have no idea what round you got that guy). Gotta love Baller Waller too, am I right? He was the whole Oakland passing offense (solid fuck you Derek Carr give Ruggs the love).
LIKE THIS SQUAD.
Now on to Derek – Can we appreciate how good Derek is going to be next year if he doesn’t fuck this up? Barkley, JK, Juedy, Lamb, and Robinson. For the love of God Derek, don’t fuck this up.
LIKE THIS SQUAD.
Ahhh tough call… give me the underdog! I think Brees has a bounce back shootout and Lamb and Robinson have big days. Also, I refuse to accept Max starting 3-0
Derek
Uncle Sammies vs Logan’s Legion
LOGAN IS 0-2… panic time?!? Are you sweating over there?! So weird hypothetical – Micheal Thomas doesn’t play this week and you lose.. and you go 0-3.. do you have a fire sale to try and right the ship or do you weather the storm? (Pst the right answer is trade me Micheal Thomas)
Shh don’t tell Caleb but he easily could be 2-0 if not for Baller Waller (again, fuck you Derek Carr) and his Monday night heroics. Caleb will always have a punchers chance with Wilson and Ridley but I’m not sure it will be enough to fend off the Legion.
He can’t start 0-3 with that death squad, right?
Logan
Ben’s team vs Jakes Jive Turkeys
Yes, I am calling you a JT. I’m so committed to this team name, I can’t even express it. You know what I’m not committed to? Anyone on your roster not named Kamara, Tyreek, Patty or DJ Moore. Yikes. Don’t trade away any picks and start praying more..
Ben’s rolling with Fitzmagic – gotta love it. He’s an American hero for sure. I also really like Locket, Scary Terry and Dhop.. but after that you’re about as deep as Jake (talking kiddy pool depth here).. so it’s a coin flip for me.. no really I’m tossing a coin – call it in the air.
Jive turkeys for the W
Adam’s Island survivors vs Masons Mistress
Good lord I’m tired. I may take a nap in the middle of these picks. What’s the deal with Aaron Jones? Is he good? Also, Adam is finally starting his best Qb (thanks for the hookup btw). I also picked the wrong WR in that trade, Robby Anderson is ACTUALLY good. On the other side of things, Mason is rolling with Uncle Rico and yeeshhhh does he look good (made that up – haven’t watched a second of the jags play). CEH had a “slow” week last week and I expect about the same against the Ravens. Fortunately for you as long as Aaron Jones doesn’t score 50 you should be fine.
Mason
Hanna’s honeys vs Mitchell’s Lobos
GAME OF THE WEEK. Ahhh when I imagine the Dohm-home on Sundays that you play each other – I picture Hanna yelling a lot, probably some sprinkled in violent outbursts and Hanna locking you in your room for extended periods of time. Am I close? Something along those lines?
No shocker here, I really like Josh Jacobs – poster on my wall and everything. Also could be a shootout in Seattle so I expect a ton of points for Zeke and Dak. Speaking of Alabama running backs – Mitchell has Derek Henry now. Bold trade but a good one for both sides? Definitely a win now move.. and that’s exactly what you’re going to do. Give me the lobos #awhollllll
Mitchell
Father TIMe vs The Landsharks
Mitchell doesn’t like to talk about himself when he makes picks.. I say screw that – Gotta be an alpha. Did you guys see I dropped 167 last week?! High five??
I would write something clever about Timbo but I don’t think he will see it so I’ll keep it short. Landsharks in a squeaker without CMC. Gonna be CLOSE.
Jarro
Time for Sleep – been real
Jarro out
The MFL 