Do you guys wanna know something that genuinely brings me happiness in life?
Reminiscing.
I’ve learned that the older I get, the more I love talking about the past with friends. Cackling like a moron over some random moment in time half a dozen years ago IS MY SHIT. That being said..
Story time.
The year was probably in the 2014 range. I was working as a PE teacher then – had a lot more hair with a lot less aches and pains. Derek was still living at home with Philly and Steve (kinda like now but for less rent I assume) and Mitchell was living in the 419. Ah the 419 – seriously the catalyst to most of my reminiscing.
One of our favorite pastimes there was an event simply known as Drunk Fifa. Now if you haven’t been blessed (or cursed) with an opportunity to play DF with us before – it’s fairly simple: play well and the other guy drinks. Play poorly and well.. you’re in for a long night.
So one night myself, Derek, Mitchell and Caleb were down the rabbit hole of swear words in an English accent – screaming about how the bullshit ref was cheating. On the menu was Corona with fresh lime – Mitchell was spoiling us with his fancy new house. Here we were with these unsophisticated pallets of cheap PBR and he’s throwing fresh lime at us
The night was going like any other – nothing too out of the ordinary.. until our very own Caleb fell victim to the dreaded volume puke. Now in his defense, this was a much younger and green behind the ears Caleb – not the hardened alcoholic that we know today.. Nevertheless, our fearless youngster took a giant swig of his freshly opened beer anddddddd he yacked ALL OVER HIMSELF.
Wanna know the first words out of his mouth?
“Mannn, Mitchell you forgot to put a lime in my beer”
Life lesson: spice up your life and put some lime in it.
TO THE PICKS:
Father TIMe vs Uncle Sammys Elites
Two guys who easily could be fighting for the last seed in the playoffs – do head to head matchups matter? Is it overall points? We talk about it every year and I still have no idea. Here’s what I do know, DK Metcalf got stopped at the goaline twice last week. How crazy is that? Timbo lost by 3 points.. those 3 points could have genuine playoff implications (someone remember this factoid in week 13).
Caleb is still rolling those Kenyan Drake dice – and at this point who can blame him? Die on that hill, homie. But maybe he turns it around this week, he is playing the Jets right?
Quickly looks up Kenyans last game against the Jets**
3 rushes for 9 yards..
Yeah, give me Timbo with Lamar Jackson.. that’s always a safe bet right?
Logans Legion vs Max Mad Hatters
The Death Squad finally got that W.. albeit it was against Derek – STILL COUNTS. Gotta start somewhere, am I right? Max on the other hand continues to roll to an early 4-0 start and I think I speak for everyone when I say
This is a really good matchup and tough to pick. The DS finally gets their best player back in Michael Thomas and Joe Mixon got his talent back from the Space Jam ball. Unfortunately for Max – losing Ekler is a gut punch and I think FINALLY you get in the L column.
Give me the Death Squad
Btw when I say Death Squad my brain immediately thinks of this
Ben’s Team (shit name) vs Adam’s Island Survivors
Pst.. Benny I need you to channel that inner piranha that we saw last year around this time (Dhop trade) and make some deals. Gotta risk it for the biscuit, big dog.
Pst… yo Adam I’d probably stay away from Watson for a few weeks.. guy just lost his Coach/Gm/OC/play caller/personal chef – you name it. Probably wouldn’t bank on anything resembling football coming out of Houston for a while.
Enough of the free advice, give me Ben in the upset. Big week for Geoff and Adam is without Aaron Jones – tough luck, little buddy
Masons Mistress vs Hanna’s Honeys
The battle of backyard neighbors!
I expect this level of smugness from one of you on Tuesday morning. Can we talk about how Gardner Minshew is a perfect fit for Masons team? That stache is legendary.. can you grow a stache? You should, js. Also really like how Dak seems to only have eyes for Amari Cooper.
Speaking of Dak, the Honeys live and die by how bad the Cowboys defense is… spoiler alert they are REALLY bad. Without a doubt the highest scoring game of the week but give me Mason in a squeaker.
Mitchell’s lobos vs THE JIVE TURKEYS
Product placement: if I put this pick towards the end there’s a better chance Jake reads the whole post and not just his individual pick.
Oh buddy.. we are all going to watch this game like a hawk right? Does Jakes “gut” continue to pay off? Who better for the hot streak to continue against than your biggest doubter – Mitchell. Mitchell is stuck in limbo like myself (more on that later) with King Henry and the coco virus.
UPSET OF THE WEEK
Give me the Jive Turkeys – Patty, Alvin and the Gut score 130 this week and might be too much for the Lobos without King Henry and Julio
Jarro’s Landsharks vs Derek’s BDE
Can we talk about how shitty an organization the Titans are? Yeesh. Alright I’ll keep it short and sweet.. without Josh Allen, CMC, Nick Chubb and Ruggs the odds are not in my favor. Smart pick would be BDE and the Kids-Bop squad..
BUT NOT SO FAST – Landsharks never say die and maybe the NFL let’s Josh Allen play touch football against like 6 bums off the street and the water boy from the Titans? Could happen, right?
LANDSHARKS
The MFL 