Anyone down for another story?
This one will be at my expense (can’t ridicule Caleb twice in a row) and probably a memory only a handful in the group know – so buckle up.
The year was 2014 and I was obviously quite a bit younger and a bit more reckless with life choices than I am now (more on that in a bit). The plan of the day was to meet Derek, Alecia and his sister for an Orlando City game at the Citrus Bowl in deep Orlando. Now usually I would ride with someone (total freeloader) but I had to work that day and was running LATE late. So no worries – I’ll get there at game time and it will be a party.
On the way I picked up a 6 pack of Reds Apple Ales – and to answer your question, yes I’m embarrassed of my younger self.. So I pull in and park RIGHT at game time and have Derek meet me to walk in. This is about the time of the story that everything went off the rails.
So being the cheap asshole that I am – I decided it was imperative that all 6 of these Reds were gone by the time we hit the stadium. And Incase you guys didn’t know, Derek is a bad friend – homie didn’t drink ONE.
Fast forward to the stadium and I’ve pretty much lost all deep brain function and Jerry has definitely arrived. Now if you’ve never been to an OC game, they are pretty great – like a giant party with strangers.. lots of swearing, singing and JUMPING. <<< there it is, found the problem.
First jump in the stadium anddddd rolled my ankle so hard that, hand on the Bible, probably broke the SHIT out of it. Called out of work for like 3 days. Had to have someone practically carry me to the car and everything.
Moral of the story: know your limits and never rely on Derek to help you skull a 6 pack
Logan and the Death Squad vs Ben’s team (shit name)
Logan’s DS made a big move last week shipping off MT for a handful of dudes and it quickly paid off! The DS is now firmly in a 5-way tie for 7th place – setting up maybe the most interesting/stressful playoff race we’ve ever had. Ben on the other hand is on the outside looking in sitting at 1-5 still with 200$ of FAAB and zero trades in the book. Yeesh
But all might not be grim on Ben’s horizon. In pure Ben fashion, dude caught a genuine break with rostering Boston Scott – falling into a starting running back WITH a really favorable matchup this week might be enough to get him back in the hunt. Seriously, dude isn’t making roster moves but he’s for sure praying to get that kind of blessing. I’m looking for Julio to come back to earth for Logan and in the UPSET PICK OF THE WEEK give me Ben.
Derek’s Kids-Bop Squad vs Masons Mistress
Did Derek forget that he was tanking? Yeesh why you gotta beat the shit out of Mitchell like that? You know he’s going to delete the league if we don’t let him win, right? On a more serious note, I LIKE THIS TEAM – it’s very pish-posh and held together by stick and glue from the waiver wire but I’m a fan (take notes Ben).
Advice for Mason: I know you don’t need to hear this but the season doesn’t start until week 14 – JUST SURVIVE.
The obvious answer is if Derek drops 35 with his K/DST again and starts Tim Patrick (hint hint) he wins.. I just don’t see it happening. The Tannehill/Brown combo is gonna make the Kids-Bop Squad go NIGHT NIGHT.
Max’s Mad Hatters vs Jake’s Jive Turkeys
Alright kid, take your victory lap – WHAT. A. REBUILD. You inherited a dumpster fire and turned it into a 6-0 machine. High-five
With Alvin Kamara back in the lineup, the Jive Turkeys look significantly better. When the starting RB for LAC is your worst player – you’re doing something right. High-five
Losing Ekler and Mostert has to catch up to you eventually right? YOU HAVE TO LOSE AT LEAST ONE GAME DAMNIT. Jake, for the love of God make it happen. Jive Turkeys in a shootout
Uncle Sammy’s Elites vs Hanna’s Honey Badgers
How about that Kenyon Drake garbage time 60yd touchdown last week? How much money do you think was lost in Vegas over that? Do you think that value was less or more than the pure homicidal rage Adam must have felt?
Hanna’s team obviously takes a down-tick losing Dak but spending all of your FAAB on Fulgham might have given her team another plug and play.
I look for Kenyon Drake to come back to earth this week – I’m not ready to anoint him after gashing a highschool defense. Also no way Zeke fumbled twice again, right? No Dak, no matter – give me the Honey Badgers
Father TIMe vs Adam’s Lonely Island Crew
What an absolute heart breaker for Adam. How ya Feeling? Need anything? A hug? Hey positive news, Watson seems to have gotten out from under the Bill Obrian curse – that’s something right?
For TIMe, Deandre Swift has officially arrived – took Matt Patricia long enough. I really like this team and will always have a punchers chance with Lamar-Swift-Dk-Higgins. Also, we all need to steal TIMes predraft rookie assessments cause guy is a wizard.
Per Adam’s request, im not allowed to pick him to win? Well good thing I don’t care what that guy thinks. Give me the Lonely Island Crew
Jarro’s Landsharks vs Mitchell’s Lobos
This is it huh? This is where the rubber meets the road on Lobos/Landshark hate week? If you haven’t been following on Twitter, you’re missing some solid middle school level insults with random strangers giving us internet high 5’s. Good stuff.
Mitchell has an undeniably good team with some obvious bad luck. MT, Derek Henry, Adams and Dalvin Cook is a dynasty wishlist I think most would send their own mother to prison for. I even think if an outsider looking in was making the picks they might favor the lobos..
BUT NOT SO FAST, FRIEND – the curse of the Landshark is real and no one can seem to score 100 points against it.
Enjoy 2-5, hoe.
The MFL 