AH, I see you have found our new website. You guys have no idea how frustrating it is to write on ESPN’s message board. It was the hardest things I have had to do in my life… I live a fairly easy life.
Speaking of things that are frustrating… This is my first post since we lost 5 members. It hurt. Like a teenage girl dumped on prom night, we had to go searching for new members. And, like a teenage girl dumped on prom night, we took the first thing we could find. We also deleted them off all our social media and burnt EVERY CHEAP GIFT THEY EVER BOUGHT US! You guys did that too right? That being said, welcome Jake, Adam and Gray.
I want to go over some Mitchell pet peeves before we get started. First and most importantly, YOU DO NOT NAME YOUR TEAM AFTER SOMEONE NOT ON YOUR ROSTER. Seriously. Don’t do it. Second, be original with you team name. If you found the team name on the internet. STOP. Be original. Third, talk on the chat and don’t take anything personal. I mean, the jokes is all I am good for. Fourth, no one in this league is your friend. No one wants to help your team. If someone send you a trade, it’s not to your benefit. Finally, my posts are filled with free fantasy advise. I don’t lie on these posts and yes, I am way smarter than all of you.
After several hours of rigorous studying, I’m ready to hand out my draft grades…. Let’s go bottom to top.
PSA, everyone’s team has the potential to be good so don’t get all butt hurt with your grade.
Ben. C-
Well, let’s start with the QB position. Reaching on Russell Wilson really hurts the rest of your roster. There’s a huge drop off in the middle of your roster. Mark Ingram is not start-able. Why? Well, Sean Payton hates him, to start, and Sean Payton hates you. Doug Martin is not only suspended the first 3 games but he is also might not have the job when he comes back. Jason Licht’s words, not mine. (I’ll save you the google, Jason Licht is the Bucs GM) So, where does that leave us? Ertz, Cobb and Sproles… Not good.
Logan. C
Alright, before you think “here we go again, Logan sucks yada yada” this team is actually pretty good. I love Cousins, McCoy and Hill BUT you have some huge injury risks. McCoy, Allen and Bryant can be all-pro or IR. That’s my biggest issue with this team. Odds are, one of those guys gets hurt and when a top 3 player on your team gets hurt, your season can be ruined.
Gray. C+
Hi, welcome. Your team… isn’t that grayt (see what I did there). Here’s why. Demaryius Thomas has a high school student throwing him the ball and as much as we all want Paxton Lynch to be good, he just isn’t. Gronk and Reed will be injured this year not even a question at this point. AP won’t get enough touches to be significant. So, we are looking at some point your team is going to be carried by Bell, Brees and… Danny Woodhead? Look, I love the great white hope as much as anybody but let’s not kid ourselves. Gray does get an A+ when it comes to group chat so… there’s that.
Jake. C+
Call it picking on the new guys but with the knowledge that Edelman is going to be out for the season, your team might struggle. Well, Edelman and the fact you made several questionable picks. James White is in that messy Patriots backfield that I don’t want any part of (Except Dion Lewis, cause I like him). There is a real depth problem with this team, Moncrief, Ginn, Brown, Stills, O.J. Howard… EH… None of those guys are carrying a starting spot and DON’T GIVE ME THE CHRIS HOGAN CRAP. Been there, done that. I can hear you now saying, “It’s not about the draft, it’s about mid season management” well, it’s going to be tough to trade if no one wants anyone on your team.
Adam. C+
Have you ever heard the phrase “You over thought that”? Well Adam, you over thought your draft. Here’s why. Kupp, Corey Davis, Golladay, Bryant (Where you drafted him) you over thought your draft. Instead of doing the right thing, trust the professionals, take what the draft was giving you…. You forced your sleeper picks. That my dear friend, is why you find yourself with a C+. Now maybe some of these players turn into something more than a mid-season drop, but I doubt it.
Derek C+
Man… Remember that one time you drafted Spencer Ware and I was like “Better get Kareem Hunt” and you didn’t? Who’s laughing now… …. It’s Jarrod. Jarrod’s laughing now. Speaking of laughing you drafted Allen Robinson. You do know Blake Bortles is still the QB in Jax. He’s really bad. And Jax is really gonna throw him out there cause they have nothing to lose. Also, write this down, Jay Ajayi is going to be a disappointment. He can only play Buffalo twice… It’s a rule.
Caleb. B-
Trust me, you didn’t over think any piece of this draft. Hopkins, Gurley, Fitz, Cj Anderson… It was like you were trying to draft a team of former all-stars. Now, if that wasn’t bad enough, you lose me on your bench picks. Hill, Bennett, Rothlisberger. It’s like you looked over my shoulder and saw my “Do Not Draft” list. There is a chance your team will be good but… it’s a small chance.
Mitchell. B
Even I can’t lie to myself. My team is not overly impressive. I have a fantastic top half, Jones and Nelson but it’s that middle section that loses me. Paul Perkins? Eddie Lacey? Matt Forte? There’s a lot of bad names there and someone has to start… Also who are you trying to impress by not taking a D/ST and Kicker… Geeze. Wendell Smallwood though… Gonna be pretty good. Book it…
Father Tim. B
Like clock work, Father Tim has drafted a top 5 team. Also, like clock work, Father Tim will let this run into the ground rather than making a trade. You got a gift with ODell where you got him. I like Hyde and I like the late round Decker pick. This team is above average but my fear is your lack of management will ruin the team.
Hanna. B+
Here’s why I like this team. There’s enough depth to survive the Zeke suspension and win about half of her games. If she can stay around .500 without Zeke, when he comes back, she will have one of the best team in the league. Primary because she will have 2 top 4 players in the league on her team. That’s a big deal. Add to that, a top 4 Qb (Luck), some steady RB’s (Gore and Crowell) I really think this team will be alright.
Mason. A-
Here’s what I love; Rodgers, Howard, Hilton (Where he was drafted). Here’s what I hate: Pryor, Watkins and Sanders. This team screams of 1 or 2 seed in the playoffs but loses in the first round. Sorry. I worry about Dalvin Cook and Terrance West. They are both players that I would not be shocked if they are not starters.
Jarrod. A
Let’s get this straight. Jarrod cheated. Not sure how yet but he cheated. Plus, he went straight money ball on the draft. My prediction for Jarrod’s season is that he wins the overall points but loses the super bowl… to me. (Eyes darting back and forth). I like Jarrod’s team. I hate it. But I like his team. Good for you Jarrod.
The MFL 