Week 1 picks

I once heard a story about a philosophy professor talking to his students in his class. It goes like this…

The professor walked into his class room and sat some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So, the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up the remaining open areas of the jar.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, or fix the disposal.”

“Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, I probably never heard that story and I just copied it from the internet. You’re right. You also, probably are thinking, what does this have to do with fantasy football?

To the picks.

Ben vs Jarrod.

Jarrod’s team is still buzzing off the steal of the century, Kareem Hunt. That being said, Jarrod’s team is one of my favorites to win the league and Ben is looking like a candy wrapper caught in the updraft. The updraft is a hurricane and you are a tree. Bending beneath the weight of… Hold on wrong post. Anyways, I’m not wanting to pick on Ben’s draft, we’ve already plowed that ground. Honestly, I don’t need to pick this game because we already know who is going to win. In our time together, I’d like to just mention to Ben that he needs to make some smart moves or stop reading the picks because…. He might not like where they are going. Sad. I mean, I’m not surprised. But Sad. Speaking of not being surprised, Jarrod is going to win this one.

Mason vs Hanna

Well, this match-up became much more interesting when Zeke came back… Now, I’m not going to mix business with pleasure here so I’ll keep this one based solely on stats. Hanna’s team first, Palmer has a good match-up, Brown and Gore also have match-ups I like. Mason’s team, Rodgers bad match-up, Howard bad match-up, TY Montgomery bad match-up. I do think Terrance West has a good week with Joe Flacco being banged up. Both teams are pretty good but I think Hanna’s team has the better match-ups. I mean, isn’t that what I do here? Pick games based on matchups. Why is this so hard? Well, is it because at this point in my life, I spend most of my days with these two and I don’t want to make either of them upset? Man, who would of thought these picks I start to glorify myself would turn on me… Oh well, when in doubt, pick the person you are sleeping with. Maso… I mean Hanna wins.

Tim vs Derek

All those stats and feelings isn’t what this is about, lets go with some petty reasons this time.

Tale of the Tape.

Derek. Age: 23. Education: Eh, UCF. Profession: lol. Fantasy Knowledge: LOL. Appearance: 7 of 10.

Tim. Age: 49. Education: School of Hard Knocks. Profession: Hard Knocks. Fantasy Knowledge: Almost as much as me. Appearance: 9 of 10.

Who wins if they were in the hunger games?

Well, Derek is younger, faster an dare I say… Stronger? Tim on the other hand would have more knowledge of the woods, I believe in his old age he’d be calm and he would have the sense of “nothing to lose”. Here’s how it would go down. Derek would try and end it quickly, loudly challenging Tim to a battle. Tim would hide and wait. Derek would start to grow hungry and tired. While Derek is asleep, Tim would sneak behind him, start to go for the kill. Just before killing him with his spear, Tim would start to have second thoughts, contemplating the life he was about to take. THEN Derek would jump up, realizing that Tim was about to stab him. They would stare face to face. Circling each other, waiting for the first one to make a move. Derek stops. Drops his sword. Tim, puzzled stops and drops his spear. Derek says “It doesn’t have to be like this, we don’t have to give them their champion”. He walks towards the bush of poisonous berries and takes a handful. “Let’s take them… together.” Tim nods. “On three” says Derek. “One, two, three…” They both eat the berries. But then, Derek notices Tim is smiling. Tim says “Derek you fool! I switched the berries before you could eat them, knowing you’d give me poisonous berries and eat normal berries yourself!” Derek, smiles, “I knew you’d switch the berries. So, I gave myself poisonous berries and you normal berries.” Tim dies. Derek wins.

Logan vs Jake

Well, there’s no topping that. Unless… I make this my STONE COLD LOCK UPSET PICK OF THE CENTURY. As we speak, Jake is favored by ESPN to win by 3 points. Here’s why they are wrong. I’m a big believer in Keenan Allen this season. Sure, they are playing Denver and sure, I might be totally wrong but I think his good friend Phillip Rivers wants to welcome Keenan back with the ball… A lot. He’s going to be a target monster and I believe with his skill, he will score at least one of those. Also, if they don’t run the ball 30 times in buffalo this week, I’d be shocked. The Jets are mailing this one in… Guaranteed. Not a huge fan of Cooks or Riddick this week either. Logan wins in the upset and that makes this Mitchell’s “Smooth Jimmy’s lock of the week”.

Adam vs Caleb

Adam has already won team name of the year, in my opinion. It hits my big 3 for team names. Makes fun of a team owner, has a player ON YOUR ROSTER name in it and has a good picture too. Adam has already made me laugh 4 times this year with comments. That’s more fingers than some top NFL pass rushers have. Caleb’s team isn’t bad though. If Caleb doesn’t already know that I like Todd Gurley this year, because I’ve been texting him more than a thirsty hoe after he signed a record deal, here it is. I like Todd Gurley. There, I said it. I think we will have a good week this week and a pretty good year. Not a fan of the back half of your team though, Hopkins, CJ Anderson and Shepard. I know, I know, Jarvis Landry. I hear you but he isn’t playing this week. Adam’s team, as I’ve previously reported, might be sneaky good. No Mike Evans this week but I still like most of his matchups. Tough one to call but I’m going Adam over Caleb in a mild upset.

Mitchell vs Grey

Here’s what I’m worried about… I am worried that Adrian Peterson will end up beating the Minnesota D-Line like a grown Peterson beating a child Peterson… I’m worried that Gronk will get 69 yards and a touchdown… I’m worried that Danny Woodhead gets all of the power from all the white marginalized running backs and has a 10 catch/ 100 yard game (White RB’s don’t have that much power). Here’s what makes me feel better. Julio Jones, Jordy Nelson, TY Hilton and Kelvin Benjamin. My zero RB look this year might not work but man, I like how this looks on paper. Plus, LeVeon might get so high he can’t find THE Cleveland. Fingers crossed. Should be close but I can’t stand the idea of losing to Grey so, I’m picking myself to win. Shocker.

I’m sure you’re still wondering, why the post began with a story? Well, with hurricane Irma set to hit us Sunday, you might be thinking. I’m just going to miss football I guess… Which brings me back to our story. What’s the big rocks in your life? Is it your family? Is it safety? Well, I will tell you this. Football is important, but in case you’re wondering it is THAT important. Week 1 of the NFL needs to be the large rock in your life. Join me in driving to Georgia in 100+ MPH winds so I don’t miss a single snap of the action and remember, the sand goes in last.