Hanna and I have really grown out of the “watch shows together” phase of our relationship. Years ago, when I first started to notice her watching shows and movies without me, I was a little hurt. Now, I realize it’s the best for both of us (primarily because I just watch sports and the Simpsons).
On the rare occasion that we do watch TV together, we will throw on some dumb 30-minute sitcom. We just started watching Brooklyn 99, so here’s a meme
Yes yes yes we are laughing… but much like Columbus Day, at some point we are gonna have to rebrand this shit.
In the spirit of the Pilgrim murders… I mean Thanksgiving, I am not going to spend my intro indulging myself with weird story about my childhood. Instead, I will give you people something to laugh at, I will explain my worst trades of the year in a segment I am calling “You Graped Me”.
Let’s start from the top….
Remember that one-time Lenard Fournette played for the Jaguars? Me too.
Remember when we found out he was cut from the Jaguars? Me too.
I remember it so well because I thought to myself “If I can get the primary back in Jacksonville at a bottom dollar price, that could be the perfect back end starter”. So, in my infinite wisdom, I pursued the Jacksonville backfield. First, Chris Thompson. Thompson, the former Washington Football Player, had a proved track record with Jay Gruden and in a offense that would probably be in a negative game script most of the time, I thought Thompson was in for a return to fantasy relevance.
So, like any like most Americans with nothing good to offer, I mortgage my future.
I traded Mason my second-round pick in 2021 for Chris Thompson.
Thompson was dropped after week 2.
Mason… You Graped Me
*Let’s double dip on this one, I also spent $156 of my $250 of FAB on Devine Ozigbo & Ryquell Armstead… Salt in the wound, Devine never responded to my Cameo request*
Have you noticed that I kinda wanted every RB on the Jacksonville roster for some reason? Well, you might have noticed that I was still missing one, which leads me to the next graping…
Also before the start of week 1, I made a trade to acquire one of my fantasy BAE’s Leveon Bell, but I also got James Robinson thrown into that deal. I bet you’re thinking this story has a real happy ending…
After James Robinson’s breakout week 1, I was convinced the undrafted rookie was just a “flash in the pan”and certainly not someone I should plan to keep long term… ha…
So, I quickly flipped James Robinson for Will Fuller to Derek.
I bet you’re thinking this story has a happy ending……
Will Fuller?? The injury prone big play threat??? That’s not the kind of boom or bust player I want on my team.
I traded Will Fuller and George Kittle after week 1 to Max for TGIII, Frank Gore, Justin Jefferson and Russel Gage.
At least I got Justin Jefferson?? I bet you’re thinking this story has a happy ending…
Long story short, when Saquan went down, I still believed my Lobos had a shot if I could flip him for decent value, so again I made another trade. I traded Saquan and Justin Jefferson to Derek for Derrick Henry.
Even though we don’t fully know everything yet, when you consider that I gave Derek; Justin Jefferson, James Robinson and Saquan Barkley, I think I can confidently say…
Derek. You Graped Me.
Laugh it up people…
TO THE PICKS!
Ben’s Kraken vs Timbo
If the mythical creature living in Ben’s pants has any fight left in it… it needs to show up here. Timmy is missing Thielen & Swift which is a terrible omen in a must win game.
Gave me Ben as the chaos continues.
Mason’s Mistress vs Logan’s Legion
LOOK LOGAN IF YOU CAN’T TELL BY NOW I AM YOUR ONLY FRIEND AROUND HERE. Can my boy buy a win? Please? Anyone?
Mason has his king now in Aaron Jones, but he had to turn his back on his (early season) love CEH. Fortune doesn’t favor disloyalty.
Nothing says desperation like starting Gus Edwards and Samaje Perine. Logan needs all the help he can get. GIVE ME THE LEGION!
Jarro’s Landsharks vs Jake’s Jive Turkeys
Poor poor Jarro isn’t getting white jesus Christian McCaffery back this year and I am bummed… no you didn’t miss any news I am just speaking this into existence.
There isn’t a single negative word I could possibly say about Jake. I love him. I love his face. If I had a PS5, I’d give it to him.
Speaking of lies, GIVE ME THE JIVE TURKEYS ON TURKEY DAY!
Hanna’s Honeys vs Max’s Dominatrixs
(Kids, if you need to google that make sure you’re alone or you don’t click images)
Hanna needs a win bad… like she needs it so bad she was actually nice to me when she asked if she should start Fulgham or Zach Moss… and by nice I mean you she took the gag out of my mouth and stopped whipping me… see what I did there? Did you google the word?? Remember alone or no images.
Max you’re stupid and you smell and you’re ugly. How bout that. Stop scoring points.
Max is going to score 70 points and lose. Speaking it into existence people.
Uncle Sammy’s Elite vs Adam’s Island Survivors
Is it just me or did Adam’s team start getting a lot better when he started tanking? I mean the teams not bad but I wish you would have started Karryon Johnson (never thought I’d say that again).
Caleb… shits getting tight. It’s getting late fast but hey, you got your jacket… kick back on the beach and drink one of those cherry slushie drinks.
Adams wins.
Derek’s BDE vs Mitchell’s Lobos
I promised myself I would be calm and not freak out or anything… a fair, cool, calm breakdown… DEREK YOU UNGREATFUL BASTARD I BUILT YOUR TEAM… whoa where did that come from? Everyone chillout. Derek has a great team, he is a good owner who has done a bunch for the league LIKE ALMOST RUN IT TO THE GROUND BECAUSE HE IS A CHEATING LIAR… hey hey hey breathe Mitchell breathe…. Everything is okay.
I am good. I’m good.
Where were we… oh yea, Derek has a soild squad this year but so do I. My boys are looking tough and… WE ARE GOING TO BEAT DEREK INTO A REBUILD. HE IS GOING TO WANT TO DELETE HIS ESPN ACCOUNT AFTER THIS ASS WHOOPING.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, hope you have a great one.
The MFL 