It’s time for draft grades. And if I am handing out grades, that makes me the teacher and you are my students.
I am a firm teacher who doesn’t waste time. Set down. Pencils out. Let’s get to work.
Hanna’s Honeys: A
Well, you could have just gotten Najee and probaby still have bounced out of here with a B- but ya didn’t! Elijah Moore, Justin Fields & Terrace Marshall Jr are fantastic rookie gambles. Beasley, Agholor & Edwards are solid end of the bench options… Not to mention you started the run on defenses.
Logan’s Legion: C+
Look if I gave you a good grade Jake might have an aneurism… which wouldn’t be funny… but also the five minutes of pure gold on the group chat before the whole brain bleeding thing happened would be great. (Wow that got oddly graphic, take it easy Mitchell the season hasn’t even started yet). Yes, all things considered you had a very nice draft but also you had a ton of late picks so it doesn’t quite show… yet. I really like Michael Carter for what he is… a third down James White-esk back. He isn’t a 1 & 2 down back tho, which obviously limits his ceiling. AJ Dillion is a good pick, I haven’t stop believing in Tua (he was who I wanted for my 3rd QB) and you got your hand cuffs. Great job.
Adam: B
To start, Adam I think I speak for all of us when I say that we are happy you have found someone who treats you better than the Andrew Luck-less Indianapolis Colts. I pray that your relationship is stronger than the bones in Carson Wentz feet and if you ever fight you two make a better recovery than Marlon Mack’s achilles. Okay that’s all the colts references I got.
Also, I hope that after you have to explain all those Colt’s references your relationship is still as strong as Frank Reich and Nick Foles’s relationship. (I lied, I had one more in me, kinda).
The draft was solid, it felt like you stuck to the sheet and drafted the best person available… which is kinda what it’s all about. I thought Callaway was kind of a reach but also at that point in the draft why not? But that also leads me to my main point about your draft, lotta safe plays and not enough “Why not” upside guys. If you can sling some 2 for 1’s you might be able to make it worth it.
Ben: F?
Did you make a bunch of trades or did I just not enter half your team but you haven’t opened the app to notice? I was drunkenly stoned for most of the draft and honestly can’t remember… but hell, I can’t remember why I drafted D’Wayne Eskrige either. Hey. Reefers. You don’t wanna some. You don’t wanna do it… if you don’t trust me, let Sam from Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story tell you
Yes, I had to add all this because Ben drafted no one. I still don’t know why.
Mason: C-
This is another short one, I have less jokes this time though because there is actual football to talk about and I am really into football right now. If you’re here for the jokes check in around Halloween when Michigan has stomped the last hope out of my soul… Anyway, back to Mason. KJ Hamler. Great pick. Benny Snell. CUFF ME! Deshaun Watson, you monster how can you sleep at night.
Derek: B
Derek had an extremely solid draft. Darrell Henderson is going to be a great week one starter till Jerry Jeudy comes into full bloom with the help of Teddy Westside. Trevor Lawrence will be playing on one of the worst teams in NFL history until Urban Meyer quits week 3 with “Injury to be named later”. Penny, Malcom Brown, Justin Jackson & Jamaal Williams… (Father Tim & Jarro lets sync up here) YOU BITCH! Also Ja’Marr Chase was by far the second best player in our draft. Good call.
Jarro: B+
You got that ranking IN SPITE OF THE FACT that you took Sermon in the first (Which grades closer to C+/B). You gain a most of your ground with the Etienne, Tevin Coleman & (I hate to say this because it means I am buying the hype) Rhamondre Stevenson. Three great picks who are starters in the future or starters now. Javian Hawkins is the handcuff for Derrick Henry too. Gabe Davis.. you homer. I like Tre Sermon (obviously) but he is not someone who I think is going to take that job because of his overwhelming skill. I could be wrong but I don’t see it, and there’s a reason why he was a third round pick instead of a being taken like the other backs we are talking about. Now, he could very very easily be a starting RB week 3 in a Kyle Shannahan offense. Like very easily. But also so could every other hand cuff drafted, sure Raheem has been hurt a lot but it’s not a guarantee, am I saying he plays 16 games next year? No. But could he be healthy for 10+? Absolutely. We cannot predict injuries, keep in mind Raheem Mostert is healthy enough to pass a NFL physical & like… play NFL football. The dude isn’t damaged goods. All that to say, Sermon was a good and probably the right pick where you picked him, but at the same time he is far away from being a start-able player.
Timbo: B+
Timmy. He does it every year. Waddle, Bateman & Moore are more than dice rolls, they’re dice rolls with semi-loaded dye. One of them will hit. It could be 2 or maybe even 3. In classic Tim fashion, he finished out the draft with a bunch of rookie dart throws, he did the same thing last year and one turned into Tee Higgions… so there’s that. I like Nico Collins to be that guy.
Maxie: C
Yea, I just heard you yell all the way across Lake Jessup. YES, this wasn’t a good draft, I am sorry. You reached for the certified beast Russell Gage. You reached for MPJ. Marquies Brown. Lol. Tyrell Williams is apart of the One Pride you don’t want to join (it was a joke because the Lions are #OnePride… it was a good one… I got a Lions hat this weekend). I do like Corey Davis and Jakobi Meyers tho, you probably actually deserve a C+ but I am too stubborn to change it, but of course you understand that. See you at the gym tomorrow.
Jake: TBD (If I tell you now you won’t read the rest)
Jake! My man. Loved hanging this weekend but to speak my truth… I hate that you took that trophy home instead of me and if you hurt it I’ll cry. Kyle Pitts is good. I don’t want that to be overshadowed. He will score a lot of fantasy points and was very clearly the 3rd best player in the draft. He still won’t be a top 3 TE THIS YEAR. He will be one from this year on.
The rest of this draft is terrible. Logan Thomas is a great TE. He score 147 points last season. That’s 50 less than Marvin Jones, and that was just the easiest comparison to make. He’s not a starter in our format. TE’s (outside of the elite) don’t score enough to be relevant in our roster format. The rest of this is just trash. D+
Mitchell: A-
Nothing makes me happier than telling everyone how good I am right after giving Jake a D. (Yes, I do plan to lock my doors tonight)(No, I actually don’t. I love Jake and he’s one of my favorite parts of our league)(No, I don’t actually keep my doors unlocked, I live in Sanford). Look, my draft was damn near perfect. I need a solid starter. Got it with Gus Bus. Needed something for the future. Got it Javonte Williams & Tre Lance. Needed trade able pieces. Got it in 2 starting RBs Phillip Lindsay & the guy who will get half the running touches + goal line work for LA Sony Michel. Needed someone to get me discount groceries. Got it in Mr. 5 Finger discount himself, the newly able to see, Jamie Winston. And D’Wayne Eskridge is the only thing keeping me from a A+.
Caleb: B-
I love Jake. That’s the biggest thing to come out of this draft weekend. He’s nice. Charming. Kind. Hard worker. If he was gay, I’d set him up with my brother. Who isn’t gay but could really use some loving structure and a good friend in his life. Caleb, sending someone to a draft with zero information other than “draft rookies” probably not enough to get the job done. Especially when the first 11 picks are rookies and that blows through like 3/4ths of the list on the internet. The good news, Jake stuck to a sheet Logan gave him and the result is a bunch of guys that can start right away because… you probably are gonna need a couple starters this year, just a guess.
On a more serious note, I had a great weekend, and I can’t tell everyone enough how much I enjoy hanging with you guys and catching up. Caleb missed you dude. Derek, thanks for everything man, I hope you don’t get in trouble for anything, and we didn’t leave anything too messy. Also, if I don’t win a jacket soon, I am going to give myself one FOR WAXING EVERYONE ASS IN GOLF EVERY YEAR.
The MFL 