When it comes to football we can all get crazy sometimes. Crazy is good, Crazy is fun, heck crazy is exciting. Today I want to talk about the craziest things that have happened to me in my almost 30 years of life. Many of these things happened on some of my world traveling I’ve been lucky enough to do. I will now share with ya’ll some of the crazy shit I’ve done/survived.
WARNING: What you are about to read is 100% true stories that I can prove if necessary. Viewer Discretion is advised!
The Pirate Incident:
So when you are 17 and your grandma says “hey ya want to skip school for a month in a foreign country for your 18th birthday?” Who says No? So we end up going to India on a trip celebrating 100 years of Christianity in rural North East India. Turns out it was a pseudo missions trip which I wasn’t aware of when I signed up. So we go to India and we are with the Christian versions of Gandhi in India turns out my Gma knows him which isn’t shocking to me. So we haven’t hit the crazy part yet as crazy as this story already sounds. We are in a part of India where less than 80 years ago these people were literal head hunters. Thanks Grandma for this super safe trip I wanted to die before 18. So here comes the crazy part. On this trip our boat in India is Hi-Jacked by pirates! I has never seen RPG’s up close or the amount of Machine Guns that are currently in front of my face either. Turns out when you are in a rural part of India where many folks have never seen a white person let alone a 17 year old who is 6’ 2 and 275lb a literal monster of a person to these people who average 5’ 4 and 140, clearly I seemed like a threat to these dudes with Ak’s and RPG’s so guns in my face. Turns out the pirates where fans of the Christian Gandhi guy and after 30 min of talking they left us alone. Shit was still crazy as hell though.
Illegal Vacation:
About 6 years ago my cousin got married in England. After the wedding my family decided to take a river cruise down the Rhine River from The Netherland to The Czech Republic. One night Gray and I got drunk (well technically every night) and we decide while the boat is going through the locks on the river that we would jump off the railing of the boat and take pictures while the boat wasn’t moving. All of a sudden we hear shouting in German, the sound night mares or made of. We hop back on the boat and no harm no foul we continue drinking and watching the Euro’s. 10 min later we are confronted by 3 German police and the captain of the boat. Turns out it counts as illegally entering a country if you jump ship even for 5 min to take pictures and are told that the punishment for this is 10,000 Euro fine or 2 years in German prison. Well seeing as me and gray didn’t have 20k Euro’s on us we were beginning to think we were about to go to prison. History has taught me German prisons can’t be that bad right? Well luckily for us it seems as though two German Karen’s saw us jump ship and there was no other proof so we were let go but man I thought Jail was in my future that night.
Death by Dinner:
As a 7 year old myself and my whole family went on a cruise down the Amazon River in South America. It was a fun time as a child, especially being told every day to watch out for tree’s with Sap that can kill you, Bee’s and Ants who could paralyze you if bitten, frogs that not only bite but are so poisonous their venom takes down Gators, oh ya and Gators everywhere. Not Traumatic at all at SEVEN! So also in the Amazon River there is one more fun little thing that can kill you called a piranha. Soooo one beautiful afternoon me (7) and gray (9) go for a canoe ride in the river, mind you at the time we don’t know how to canoe. So we are paddling around and as we paddle we are scooping water into the canoe and it begins to sink. No biggie as two Florida boys we could swim since 2. What we didn’t know was the fact that all the slashing and thrashing around we are doing was attracting murder fish to our current position, also Piranha are attracted to the color red like a bull and I’m wearing red swim trunks. So thrashing about, Red in the water not knowing any danger was imminent. All of a sudden a Peruvian man jumps in the water grabs Me and Gray and swims us to shore. We just assumed it was time to leave, and boy was it. What we didn’t realize is every fisherman around us was hooking piranha at a higher rate cause of our splashing which was attracting the fish to the area. Needless to say we had no clue we were almost fish food that day. Irony of all of this is that night we had piranha for dinner caught by the fishers we were swimming around in the river.
And lastly
The Gut:
I’ll make this one short so we can get to the picks. I’ve eaten some crazy stuff in my life. And here is what the GUT has devoured. Dog, Monkey, Shark, Guinea Pig, Snake, Squirrel, Piranha, and Crickets plus other things I have a list somewhere. The GUT has been a beast in life and in football.
I have so many more stories so feel free to ask for more.
So that’s my crazy ass life and now let’s get into some crazy ass football!!
WEEK 2:
Logan vs. Mitch
Unlike Mitch I will do his first cause I’m a great guy. Mitchell had a tough start to the season but I like his team. Stafford is going to do great things this week against a shit Indy (sorry Adam) and the rest of the team is full of good talent and Javonte Williams. Logan is rocking the same exact team as last week and lets be real this team is not a 80 point team unless there is a 1 in front of the 80. Benching Derek Henry is a dumb idea not sure if it’s a joke or not. It’llbe close for sure.
Dub goes to the LOBOS!!!!
Ben vs Mason
Mason I like Tanny dudes gonna get there and hopefully for you it’s this week. On a serious note Hill needs to come back to me I miss him more than those charges in Germany missed me. Mason is stacked and ESPN ranked him #1 and we know ESPN is never wrong. Benny boy I’ll say it I had you as a weak team before last week and I was wrong I apologize. Hurts looked legit and Mike Williams another one I let go looks like he might finally stop hurting those who start him. Your team is on the up Ben, BUTTTT not so fast (Lee Corso Voice) New baby, new co-owner of the Mistresses
W goes to Mason!
Hannah and Adam
Hannah with the First overall pick selected Najee Harris. A good pick no doubt, but week one was a sad start for him. He did play a ton so that is good news. Zeke is back baby!!! Or is he? Not a sexy start from your stud RB either. Team has amazing amounts of promise and if they all can click this week big boy (girl) points are coming your way. Adam I’m not the only one who’s seen pirates with RPG’s, TB12 still has it man. Don’t know why I’m surprised but I was plain and simple. The team you are starting is good if Mike and OBJ can be like themselves of the last couple years then you could have a Contending team my man. Playing the Ram’s D against your team Indy is wise, but man, it has to make you sad to know they might score 20. I feel like Hannah doesn’t like me that much which bums me out so Imma take……
Survivors in a close one!!
Derek and Max
What does Derek’s Team and My Piranha story have in common? We both barely escaped. I barely escaped alive and BDE barely escapes being a bad team. To clarify I think your team is decent. Not bad, but not good either. Herby Throws for 337 and only gets 1 TD and two turnovers. Not bad not good. James Robinson is the starter due to ETN getting hurt and only put up 6.9 not good but upside he isn’t a bad player, and lastly Giants D only one point last week not good but against Wash on Thursday with no QB not bad. Max, also like the Piranha story I was in danger but didn’t know it and we as a league are also in danger but might not fully realize it yet! Is this Grays old team? WTF man, How? I wanna talk some shit and will…you ready? JUJU is average. Boom hope that stings cause that all I got. 10/10
Marksmen hit that 2-0 target this week!
Caleb Vs TIMe
Caleb, brother, In the famous words of Lotto from Eight Mile “ On some real shit I like you, that’s why I didn’t wanna be the guy you commit suicide to”. Russell Wilson is good buddy, that a plus, and Robison and Ridley might pick it up and end up doing some work for ya. I’ll keep ya in my prayers. TIMe Lamar is about to show out on KC, dudes pissed and he’s gonna ball. Rest of the team has Boom bust potential so I’ll play it safe and stay away from too much analyzation on them. Like I’ve eaten up monkey, dog nuggets and cricket legs…..
TIMe gonna eat up Uncle Sammy big TIMe!!!
Sailor Jerry vs GUT inc.
FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!! Dude can I have a mulligan (I think I used that correctly) I want Kamara to count twice maybe then I’ll only lose by 10. Jerry let’s talk about it. This breakdown is going to be as long as my story time above.
Josh Allen against Miami 35 points
CMC vs NO 22 points
Mooney thank god for him 7 points
Gaskin vs Buf 9 points
Hunt and Chubb vs Houston ouch ouch ouch combined 42 points
TB D vs ATL god I need atl players to score but 7-9 points
And Bass Vs Miami 8 points
Total 131. This is exactly what I expect to happen and I honestly can’t see my team winning. On a ball out day we couldn’t go for more than 125 at this point in the young season. I’ve avoided so much in my life, cheated death, slipped by the law and gotten out of too many sticky situations I just don’t see any way around it man. Maybe I get lucky for the 1 millionth time but I doubt it.
Fins up Landsharks by 20.
Keep it crazy boys and girl. Life is gonna be you might as well too!!!!!
The MFL 