*Press Conference*
*Room buzzing with reporters and talk*
*Lobos Owner and Coach Mitchell Dohm sits down behind Microphones. Mitchell looks disheveled, dirty and with eyes as red as the devils dick*
Reporter 1: “Mitchell, some people are questioning some of the managerial decisions you made last week, do you have a response?”
Mitchell: “LISTEN HERE YOU SON OF A BITCH *Flips table* TySon Williams is better than Latavious Murray!”
Reporter 2: “Uh actually we were talking about Nick Westbrooke-Ikhine”
Mitchell: “Who the fuck is that?”
Reporter 1: “Wide receiver… Titians… You literally put him in your lineup last week”
Mitchell: “Oh I thought you said …uh…. Rick… Ah yea… Nick made the lineup on a strong recommendation from Coach Urban Meyer. You see, coach Urban and some other brilliant football minds get together in his RV to talk football. We used to go hangout inside his house but for some reason Urban isn’t allowed in there right now.”
Reporter 2: “Oh wow, we didn’t know you and Urban Meyer had a personal relationship.”
Mitchell: “Oh yea, really personal. Coach Urban, myself and Naked Bongman Bob like to strip down the game in the RV. Really look at it inside and out. Then we usually blaze a few lineups together. After all that we are pretty hungry. So we go to the Chophouse, find a stranger and grind out some of those tough start ‘em sit ‘em details.”
Reporter 1: “Ah Naked Bongman Bob?”
Mitchell: “Oh sorry, Chris Doyle, Urban’s former strength coach and personal friend. He had to change his name because of all that “he’s a racist” stuff”
Reporter 2: “Ah, okay… Does Coach Meyer ever give you hints on Jacksonville Jaguars to start?”
*Room collectively laughs out loud at the thought of starting a Jacksonville Jaguars player in fantasy*
Mitchell: “Ah no, we spend most of the time looking at real estate in the Souther California area”
Report 1: “Wait what?”
Mitchell: “Okayyy this press conference is over”
Father Tim vs Hanna’s Honeys
Ahh the annual battle of who loves me more.
Y’all remember when everyone was like “ohh Ezekiel Elliott is washed, he’s no good” after week one? Do you remember when I told everyone to relax, he’d be fine?? Mitchell. Certified genius.
Dallas is pounding the rock more this year and I love it. Such a productive offense. Kenny Golladay got the ole “squeaky wheel gets the grease” treatment last week and I think it will continue. Mainly because the Giants paid him way too much and there’s a lot of people in the front office trying to prove they still deserve a job.
Anyone got that Detroit backfield figured out? Neither does Dan Campbell. Swift is a budding super star one week and the next he’s the guy in Jamaal Williams way. One thing that we do know, Tre Lance has Debo Samuel on his fantasy team. He had eyes for Debo alone last week.
Two good teams that will both be in the playoff mix. Give me Hanna, because it was just our anniversary and she’s the best.
Derek’s BDE vs Adam’s Island Survivors
If you gonna run with the big dawgs you gotta prove it in the win column. *checks notes* yep Derek is top of the standings. Well… if you want to run with the big dawgs you gotta do more than just win, you gotta score points. *checks notes* yep Derek leads the league in points scored. Oh yea… Well… if you wanna run with the big dawgs you gotta be taller than 5’6. *sits back in his chair with delight*
Adam’s got a decent team but… idk about that last trade. OBJ was wide open like 3/4s of the time last week and Baker just couldn’t hit him. I’d expect that to change. Dhop has had a couple slow weeks but he’s still got the best hands in the NFL. Davante Smith is really good, I’ll give you that. But I’m less sold on the production value of Javante Williams this year for sure and he’s got some Royce Freeman vibes too. For a team that had a punchers shot at a title, this trade was a step back.
Give me the big dawg Derek in a win.
Uncle Sammy’s Elite vs Max’s Marksman
A battle of military name! Caleb is actually bout that life so, that’s one point for Caleb off the bat. No comment on the rest of his team.
Max’s team is kinda like Bitcoin. Sometimes I’m convinced it’s the next big thing, other times it’s down ten thousand dollars.
Give me Caleb in a surprise upset! Shootout on Thursday night and Russ is gonna chef. Did I say that right?
Jarro’s Landsharks vs Logan’s Leigon
Jarro. Being back. COLLISION COURSE. After a win last week that was more about me scoring 84 points than Jarro scoring 108, CMC is baccckkkk. And when CMC is baccccckkkk Jarro is… baaacccckkkkk. Although… Chris Carson might be ouuuuuttttt, Justin Fields didn’t impress me, but Darnell made some amazing catches so maybe he’s okay even with bad QB play and Michael Pittman Jr is far and away the WR1 in Indy. He’s almost scored two weeks in a row.
Nothing says “getting too cute with it” like starting Kirk Cousins. But the reality is, it probably doesn’t matter cause you’re gonna have at least 3 people score 30+
Give me the Legion in this one!*
*this message was copied from week 1*
Jive Turkeys vs Ben’s Kracken
So… Jake’s team is exactly what we thought it was? ATL is a bad offense (although Pitts will get better… probably), Kamara is still really good but he’s worse with Jameis and a lot of “what the heck flex” guys. Could he get hot and win it? Sure… but we all could.
Ben’s team has some fun wins but is still 4th from the bottom in total points, which FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME IS ALL THE MATTERS. Jalen Hurts. Good fantasy. Baaadddd NFL. Mike Williams has been a revelation for Ben and Michael Carter is the closest thing to useable on the Jets.
Give me the JT’s in one that can go either way.
Mitchell’s Lobos vs Mason’s Mistress
Welp, the Mistress are rebuilding before our eyes. The team is almost completely different than it was a couple weeks ago but still is driven by star power which gives him a floor as low as the ceiling. Kyler Murray and the Cardinals surprised me a ton last week, I’m still not sold on Kliff yet.
Hey Kliff. Do it in the playoffs. How bout that.
Speaking of playoffs, the Lobos are gonna be sweatin this season. I’m not as worried as I should be. The reality is, when you have multiple guys not play a full game 3 outta 4 weeks, you’re probably gonna lose. It can’t keep happening right?? *checks notes* oh wait it did happen. Last year. With Logan…. Shit.
Ahh… I’ll let you know who wins around 12am tonight.
The MFL 