The year is 2070
*Curtains open*
*You see an elderly Mitchell, surrounded by super bowl trophies*
“I’m so great” chimed the reasonably handsome old man, his words bouncing around the halls of his empty mansion. “I don’t need anyone except for myself and my beautiful trophies”
*the squeak of an old door*
“Who is that??? Is someone there??”
“It is meeeee” answered a ghostly figure. “Your old friend Jarro. You, Mitchell Dohm, have lost all you’re friends because you have been consumed by winning!!! Just like how I lost all my friends cause I hoard all the running backs!!”
“This cannot be real” answered the beautiful old man.
“Oh but it is Mitchell, you will be visited by 3 ghosts!!! Listen well….”
“Pish” the gorgeous old man thought to himself… “what a load of crap. I’m just gonna go to sleep and dream about winning…”
*while Mitchell is sleeping an orb of pure energy enters the room*
“Come with me Mitchell” says the orb
“Well, I wasn’t sleeping anyways” remarked the sexy old man as he followed the light through the door”
Me: “wow where are we?”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “We are in a Hooters in south Lakeland. Isn’t it lovely?”
*middle age man falls off barstool*
Me: *looking around* “What year is it???”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “Welp, the president sucks, there was a major natural disaster and the gas prices are high”
Me: “So it’s 2021?”
*Snare. Crash*
Ghost of Fantasy Past : “Mitchell you ignorant slut. No, it’s 2005 and we are here to watch something”
*Me and myself walk around the corner and into a large open room. There are 10 men individually sitting behind tables. The room is filled with smoke and toxic masculinity*
Commissioner: “Spanking Monkeys you’re on deck. 69ers, you’re in the hole”
Unnamed Fantasy Player: “I usually 69er before I go in the hole”
*Whole room laughs*
Me: “Okay, so we are at a fantasy football draft… but why?”
Ghost of Fantasy Past : “Look at that little boy behind that pitcher of beer, scouring through a fantasy magazine… that little boy is why we are here”
Me: “I get it… it’s me”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “You don’t know that yet.”
Me: “Yes I literally do, I bring this shit up all the time”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “YOU WILL SHUT UP AND LISTEN!”
Commissioner: “69ers who ya taking?”
Father Tim: *motions me towards the draft board*
Young Mitchell: *walks up the board* “Ladaian Tomlinson”
The groups of men shout out “reeeeach” “bad pick”
Commissioner: “alright calm down… Forte-Inch Ditka, you’re on the clock”
Me: “Why are we here again?”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “I wanted you to see the draft from your first fantasy championship season”
Me:”…. Uhhh why is the ground shaking. What’s happening???”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “well we can’t stay here, we have another stop on our journey”
Me: “whhhhhoooooaaaaa here we goooo”
*The room stops spinning*
Me: “hey I know where we are”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “Estero Florida of course! At the home of your then girl friend and now wife Hanna.”
Me: “what year is it?”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “Welp, the president sucks, there was a global health crisis and the gas prices are high”
Me: “So it’s 2021?”
*Snare. Crash*
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “Mitchell you ignorant slut. No, it’s 2014 and we are here to watch something”
*We walk around the corner to the living room to see Mitchell, sitting on the couch with his future wife and her family*
*Instead of engaging with the family, Mitchell stares intensely at an iPad*
2014 Mitchell: “YES. YES. GO. TOUCHDOWN! LeVeon Bell is the greatest running back ever!! He will be fantasy relevant for the next 10 years!!!”
2014 Hanna: “Mitchell please, our family cat just died”
*popping bottle of champagne*
2014 Mitchell: “IDGAF CATS ARE DUMB! IMMA A FANTASY FOOTBALL CHAMPION!!!”
*pour champagne on himself*
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “do you remember doing this Mitchell?”
Me: *looking at the ground* “yes… I do”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “instead of grieving with your wife’s family in this tough time, you celebrated a fantasy championship”
Me: “I’m just… so…”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “go on….”
Me: “so upset Adam Gase never got a full fair chance to be an NFL coach, I mean he is so smart. Honestly, if he and Levon could have hooked up with a decent QB they probably could have ended the Patriots dynasty before Bill Belicheck did”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “that argument makes logical sense, Adam Gase is a good coach. Let’s ponder that as we transition”
*seamless transition*
Me: “Hey… I’m home”
*looks around*
Me: “Oh thank God, it was all a dream”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “Boo”
Me: “ahhhhh”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “Now you see Mitchell, your life could have been different!”
Me: “Nahhh, imma bout this winning life. Speaking of which, do you play fantasy? I just had a spot open up in a 12 team dynasty league.”
Ghost of Fantasy Past: “oh really? Good league?”
Me: “it’s okay”
*The dazzling elderly man and the Ghost of Fantasy Past walk hand and hand into the sunset*
The End
The MFL 