<insert 80s theme music>
I assume at this point we’ve all watched Cobra Kai, yeah? If you haven’t – let me fill you in.
Johnny – ya know, the ultimate bad guy of the 80’s, sweeping legs and kicking ass – is now a middle aged dude living in a shady part of town with nothing really going for him. No job, no wife, total bummer with a splash of karma. Until one fateful day he decides to reopen his childhood karate dojo with the basic principles of:
Are you an Alpha?
Do you wanna be? (Obviously yes, they get babes)
Solid – let’s do karate in a strip mall
That’s it. That’s the whole show. And it’s a national treasure.
Really got me thinking, you know what this league needs? Some Johnny Lawrence – alpha dog, no mercy, kicks get chicks WEEK ONE PICKS
Father TIMe (proj. 103) vs Logan’s Legion (proj. 116)
“You know what the best defense is? More offense”
-JL
Logan’s team definitely has plenty of that. Yeesh what a turn around this kid made. From the laughing stock, trade grape multi victim, perennial tanker – to a “fuck you, gimme your lunch money and you girlfriend” death squad. Dudes living that alpha life and going to COAST to a week one 1.
Just in case you read this Timbo, my b
Logan’s legion
Derek’s BDE (proj. 101) vs Uncle Sammy (proj. 108)
If I’m extra hard on you, it’s only because you have the potential to be better than I ever was.”
-JL
Ahhh BDE reminds me so much of the year 1 Landsharks – youth, potential and opportunity. Derek, don’t fuck it up and trade away Henry, Jeudy, Lamb or JK after they have a terrible week one.
Uncle Sammy
Bens Team (shit name) vs Mason’s Mistress (proj. 106)
“Do not question my methods. Just be thankful you’re not a sumo wrestler; those guys have to wipe their senseis’ asses.” *flicks beer cap*
JL
Tips and tricks: Ben you got some dudes on your bench that probably should be starting. Also you have an empty roster spot. Free advice – don’t question it.
Masons going really Miyagi-do and showing mercy by starting Uncle Rico. The experts have this one close.. ehh feels more like a blow out.
The Mistress
Mitchell’s Lobos (proj. 127) vs Adam’s Island Survivors (proj.115)
“A Coors Banquet for me and a Shirley Temple for the lady”
JL
Man. Screw you Mitchell. Your team looks like it could pop off for 150 on the reg. Adam – sit back and enjoy your Shirley Temple, not much you can do.
Lobos
(Don’t worry, you’re forever doomed for a first round exit)
The bastards (proj 116) vs Hanna’s Honeys (proj 122)
“There’s no girls in karate, it just doesn’t make sense. Same reason there’s no girls in the army. And don’t give me that sexist bullshit – they can’t fight, they have hollow bones!”
JL
Had to get that “girl playing Fantasy football” dig out of the way. In reality who doesn’t love the Honeys? I really like Zack Moss, Zeke and Josh Jacobs. Such a good foundation AND a rebrand??? I’m a sucker for a rebrand. While I’m writing this Miles Sanders is still playing. Unfortunately for Jake he could score -10 and still take the L because he’s starting N’keal Harry.
Honeys
Jarro’s Landsharks (121) vs Max’s Miss. Mudogs (104)
”Do you want all the girls to think you’re a wangless dork?”
JL
Welcome to the league Max. Glad to have you. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, accept the Mississippi Mud Dogs team name – it’s perfect and I’ll only take 10% of the royalties you make off of it in the future.
I’m obviously picking myself. No rook is getting the W on the Landsharks.
Landsharks
The MFL 